I’ll try to later. Gotta find something to talk about that’s not horribbly depressing.

Nothing makes me happier than a great date under the stars.

what if everything we see, do, hear, learn— everything in our world— was created by our own mind? What if we live in our mind, but someone else’s world is completely different?

If we do create everything in our world (or universe), then we either make up complete bullshit, or are a complete genius. If it’s true, then I made up all the little things I know about the world— all the history I’ve learned, all the physics, and chemistry, and math. Like it all came from my imagination, and I am convincing myself it’s the real world. 

Then, what if dying is like waking up from this world you have created and realizing you made it all up. I have no idea where we would be when we would realize that but idk. 

Okay, yeah I might sound insane but what if? And I love the fact that we may never know any of this. It could be true! People used to think the sun revolved around the earth, so what if one day we discover this is true? 

I probably sound high or something (and I’m not), but what if?

kendraismyname:

she is so beautiful.

Okay a rant about a boy:

I liked him from the day I met him. We were super close for a while, then lost touch. But once we became close again, I was doing anything I could to make him smile. I listened to his problems, reminded him of our inside jokes, listened to music with him. All this not to get him to kiss me or like me or whatever; I just wanted him to be happy.

Now, for some reason, he doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t respond to my texts or make plans to see me. And what’s worse is I get mad at him for that, but as soon as he finally talks to me again, I forget I was ever angry.

Then I start to think “what’s wrong with me? What did i do wrong? Was I too clingy? Too boring? Could I not help him?” Because I felt like I could finally be myself with someone, and now that person is gone. There’s not a lot of people who could understand what I’m thinking and he could.

I know it’s pathetic that a boy made me feel this way about myself. I know I shouldn’t need a boy to like me in order to like myself, but it’s hard to be happy with myself if no one sticks around.

Can someone please fucking take me on a date and be a gentleman and treat me like they love me and would do anything to make me happy? Can someone come up to me and say they love me? Even if it’s not romantically. As long as they fucking care. Can someone please get close to me without leaving? And be interested in what I say and be understanding. Can someone just be happy I’m here?

I haven’t talked about this much at all. But tomorrow, I start my anti-depressants. They’re in my kitchen right now.

I was told things will probably be worse at first, but things should get better after about three weeks.

I’m scared and curious and anxious and hopeful. But still over numb.

It’s pretty interesting that a little pill the size of your fingernail is supposed to change how your brain works.

I am honestly so fucking tired with this fucking disease.

I was at the doctor’s two days ago. Which was just lovely because I got to hear how bad I am at it and I got to see it on multipule graphs. I was in that office for over 2 hours. And when I was in there, getting information and ways to change fired at me, it hit me: this is going to be the rest of my life.

I am going to be dealing with this forever.

Now, even if I get a cure in the future, I’ll stilll have to check my blood sugar every once in a while, I’ll still be going to doctors to make sure it actually works, it will still be haunting me. Basically, I’ll be a guinnea pig because the cure is so so new. So, it will be in my life forever.

I don’t want it.

The thing is, I don’t want this forever. Last night, I had a high blood sugar so I bolused exactly what my pump said to. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and checked. Still high. So I got my insulin for that too. Then I woke up at 6:30 and I had an extreme low. What. The. Fuck.

I did exactly what I was supposed to! I did everything right to fix my mistake and it screws me up. How do I know it won’t happen again? I hate being low, and I hate being high. It seems like no matter what I do right, I’m one of those and not where I should be.

I can’t do anything right. This is all my fault.

Fuck it.

And if you don’t want to hear anymore diabetes rants and just want to kill the whole disease, click here.

itscatastrophic:

itsvolcanoday:

thequinnofthehudson:

whips-of-opinion:

rinielle:

Here’s some advice, direct from me to you. Try treating her like you would any other human being.

Get to know her, what she likes and doesn’t like, and treat her accordingly.

That’s it.

a feeling of pride in yourself

today in health, we did this worksheet on self-esteem. we had to check off all the things we are, then talk about which ones we want to be. then we had to rank our self-esteem (1 being none, 10 being a bunch).

my ranking was between 5.5 and 6. it’s sad. but it’s true.

what was it that made my self-esteem so low? i could easily blame society, but everyone lives in practically the same one, and there are people with a ranking of 10. am i just naturally insecure? was it my home environment? my behavior? i honestly have no idea.

i’ve done a lot to try and boost my self-esteem, but nothing seems to have worked yet. when will it? when will i be able to be proud of who i am?

sometimes i wonder if people know i have low self-esteem. if they do, they must not care because they are not doing anything to help me raise that ranking. i compliment people, talk to them, and try to make people feel important. when will someone do that for me? some of my “friends” make no effort to contact me; people forget about me as soon as we are getting close; they don’t compliment me.

is that just our world now? does everyone have low self-esteem? and where did it all start?

maybe we will just never know.